There is often a great deal of emphasis on the importance of cultivating flourishing relationships, in the personal sphere as well as the professional one. Common components often encouraged include reaching out to people, extending help, sharing stories, keeping each other’s secrets and valuing and supporting one another. We tell people, “In friendship, there is no sorry and no thank you.” In reality, what we may be inadvertently promoting is the lack of boundaries rather than fostering healthy interpersonal ones.
Boundaries are an essential component of any healthy personal or professional relationship. They are there for a reason, and it applies for all in some form or another. Different people have different boundaries. These could be physical – “I do not enjoy giving or receiving hugs”, professional – “I will not pick up work calls after 7 pm or during weekends”, personal – “I do not wish to talk to you about this particular matter” or general – “I really need some space right now”.
As a society, we tend to break boundaries as opposed to building them. It could be expressed like “Why don’t you like giving hugs? It gives such a warm feeling!” or “Why do you need space? Tell me because I’m your friend and I will help you”. At most times though, what an individual with boundaries really needs is not for their boundaries to be tested, but instead to be respected. In fact, it is not only alright to have boundaries, it is one of the most crucial yet overlooked aspects of a healthy relationship. Boundaries help you to maintain personal space and privacy, cater to your needs with assertiveness, give you a safe base to operate from, and add to your sense of autonomy.
In the era of working from home, the lines between our personal and professional lives seems to have become further blurred, confronting us with a new challenge and thus a fresh opportunity to learn how to create healthy boundaries with others as well as yourself. It is unclear how much longer such an era will continue or whether it is here to stay, but this much is certain: no matter what our life circumstances demand of us, we need space for ourselves. The key to work-life balance lies neither in our professional life, nor in our personal one, but in the very thing they have in common: you.
Here are some ways to get that much need space and draw those much-needed boundaries:
- Do not be available 24*7. The first step to helping others respect your time, is to respect your own time. Adhere to specific working hours and make yourself unavailable for work-related matters prior to or after that. The remaining time is for yourself, your relationships, your hobbies or other commitments.
- Establish rules at home. The same way work is not allowed during personal time, if you are working from home, let your family/flat mate know when it is okay or not okay for them to be around you while you work. Clearly set rules will help avoid unnecessary tensions, confusion or video-calling faux-pas.
- Voice your thoughts. Setting boundaries has everything to do with being assertive in your communication with others. If you are having trouble with something, express your concerns. Allow yourself to say no to things. Honest and assertive communication makes for healthier relationships.
- Take a mental health day off. It is okay to take a day off for your mental wellness the same way it’s okay to take a sick leave. Don’t feel guilty to take one when you need one. Your physical and emotional wellbeing come first. When you feel well yourself, you can put in your complete effort into whatever you’re doing.
People tend to mistake boundaries as a bad thing as if you’re trying to keep people away and not let them into your world. But boundaries actually allow for closer relationships because they are based on mutual respect and understanding of each other’s space. The truth of the matter is that boundaries are as essential to a relationship as spaces are between the words that form a sentence. Start by validating your own personal space and respecting your own boundaries. People will follow suit.
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